Granny...

Will Smith was on Oprah today (yes, all of you 20 year olds, I said Oprah) ...and he said something that really helped me to think about life a little differently. He said (more or less), "Most people think of life as a linear journey. You are born, you live, you die. I think about life a little differently. You are born, you live, you die, and you are re-born. Everytime you have a loss (or death) in your life, you have to be re-born or reinvent the way you look at things. You have to become a new person, have a new outlook, and learn how to go on with purpose."
My granny (she is actually Ted's granny, but I have been adopted:)) is dying from cancer. She is a pain in the ass, a bitch, and really hard to handle right now, but I love her to death. She calls me "her Synda" and will only let me help her sit up (she says I just like getting a hug from her). Yesterday was my birthday and she was so upset that she couldn't find her purse to give me $40. She held my hand really tight and said, "it was never meant to be like this, I've never felt this out of control". Then she fell back to sleep.
I can't imaging how her death is going to affect granddad, Ted, and myself. We moved her to Vegas to give her a life and now she is going to leave it. I wonder how everyone will handle this loss and how we will all be re-born? ...I will miss her very much....but I'm glad she was here...

Once again...I'm in over my head!

Ok, number one...Are there any teachers of organic chemistry, or any chemistry for that matter, that speak ENGLISH! Not only am I learning an entirely new language, I'm doing math in that language, speaking in that language, and trying to be logical in that language...all while listening to someone teach me that language...IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE! I am trying really hard to figure things out. I sit at the front of the class, I listen intently, I take notes, I study every day, and I still have no clue what I'm doing. It is some consolation that the rest of the class doesn't either (the class average on the last test was 30%), but it still doesn't help me pass this class...and I need to pass this class. I'm old...and I'm on a schedule! All I am asking for is a "C" that's it, a bloody "C", is that too much to ask?

The Endless Cycle of School and Work...

One of the reasonsI have been in school so long is that I wanted to work in the medical profession. The thing about the medical profession, however, is this...it is a job that you have to have a degree in to pursue. Well, here in lies the problem...To become, let's say, a doctor, or a physical therapist, or a Paramedic, or a Physicians Assistant, you have to prove that you have what it takes to work in a hospital/medical setting. To accomplish this goal, you have to a) volunteer or b) get a job in a hospital. Well, to get a job in a hospital, you need either a certification in something (i.e. phlibotomy, OR Tech, EMT, etc...) or prior work experience...hmmm....can't get experience without getting the job, so...
Anyway, that leaves me with two other options....get a new certification or volunteering. The problem with volunteering at a hospital is that it is very hard to volunteer in places that would really teach you something (like the emergency room or the labor and delivery department). In order to volunteer in these prime places...you have to have a certification....DO YOU SEE THE PROBLEM?
So, for as long as I can remember I have been getting different certifications, to get different jobs, just to see my life change so that I never actually work in the jobs I'm certified for....And to add insult to injury, if I do decide to work in something I have achieved certification for, it is usually too late and my certification has expired...(i.e...EMT-I)
Well, now that I have decided to go back to school, I am in the same situation, only much older... I need hospital experience and I don't have any. I looked at all of the jobs available, and of course, they all still need certifications which would take me time to get (which I don't have much of any more). So that leaves me with volunteering...Hopefully, they will be impressed on my application when under hospital work experience I put candy stripper, janitor, and/or wheel chair pusher....What do you think? Is it enough to land me a spot in medical school?

Cute Little Dog with an Accent!

I don't know what it says about me exactly, but I am extremely excited to see this movie! I guess there is just something about a cute little doggy with an accent that makes me want to smile. And the fact that there is a yorkie, amoung other cute dogs, as supporting characters...well, I just have to see it:)

The problem is, I don't have any young kids to go with, so justifying my presence in this Disney children's movie may be a little difficult...Maybe I could just borrow my friend's kids, or better yet, just walk in next to someone with like 7 kids and pretend they are mine?? Anywho, I am way excited and it opens tomorrow!

Friday...World's Greatest Dog??

Last night I watched the finale for the World's Greatest Dog. For all of you who haven't ever heard of, let alone watched, this show I will explain the basic premise. Ten or so dog owners and their dogs lived in a house together, competed in obedience and agility competitions, and then were judged by "doggy professionals"...(i.e. the editors of Dog Fancy Magazine)....Well, last night the competition came down to a boxer and a little maltese. The boxer was a puppy with a really cute owner that you could tell just loved his dog, and the maltese was a mature dog who was extremely (to put it mildly) attached to his "mom". They were both great dogs with a lot of talent, but you could tell that the little dog was at a disadvantage due to her well ... "littleness". In the end, the boxer won and I imagined little dogs and their owners everywhere going to bed depressed.

I have watched it this entire season in anticipation of proving to myself that my dog "Friday" could not only have been on that show, but could have possibly won it. I know that any of you who actually know Friday are aware that this is not only unlikely but absolutely ridiculous, but I still have hope. She is fairly well-trained dog...she does pee on her pad, sit, stay, rollover (when she's in the mood), and shake, but after that...it's all down hill. I have worked with her from the day she was born to be loving and kind. I have read every Ceasar Milan book, watched all his videos, and have tried every technique, but nothing seems to help her.

Number one, she hates other dogs, at least dogs she doesn't know very well. We go for walks every morning and I literally have to hide her eyes from every dog that walks past. Occasionally, an owner will say, "that's ok, my dog loves everyone...and she's sooo cute." And then Friday will proceed to run directly towards the dog (no matter how large), bark in their face and nip at their heels. This, in turn, scares the other dog, and the owner who quickly walks away, usually with the parting comment, "you really should take that dog to training school." It's even worse when I put her on the bike in her doggy basket and ride around the neighborhood. I know Friday can't talk, but I swear I have heard her say to dogs walking by..."I'll get you my doggy and your pansy owner too!"

Number two, she is very protective of me and will basically kill anyone who tries to pet, talk, or hold her when I'm around. It's gotten so bad that she sleeps with my clothes every night and goes "ballistic" if anyone tries to touch them...including me.

Number three, she barks at everything...the trash truck, a dog walking by, a door shutting, the grass growing...and she won't stop until she has made sure that the "noise" knows who's boss. She has severe "little dog" syndrome and is constantly trying to prove that she's a bad ass.

.....So as you can see, Friday probably doesn't have any chance of becoming the World's Greatest Dog because, basically, she is not...I do love her though and really wish that others could get to know her better. She is actually very sweet... when she's asleep.. and, as long as you have treats, she will even let you pet her. Just don't try to walk away afterwards, because she will eat you alive. Case in point...the kind stewardess everytime we fly "loves yorkies" but immediately after meeting Friday, changes her mind and suddenly decides she's a cat person.

School...Again....

For those of you who know me, you also know that I have been going to school for...well forever. I started in... (a long time ago) and got my bachelors in 2004. I am now going back again to finish what I started. The problem is...I have never known exactly what "it" is I started, so it is rather hard to finish. I am currently taking pre-requisites for a master's in nutrition, a registered dietitics license, Physician's assistant and/or med school. As you can tell, I'm a little undecided, but I figure if I just keep taking pre-requisites, eventually it will hit me and I will know exactly what to do.

You see there are several factors involved with my choice...my age, time commitment, my age, location of program, my age, and well...my age. If I go the nutritionist route, it will be 3 years, P.A. two years, and med school 4 years (and then residency...which will make me approximately 100 years old by the time I get out). I wish so badly that I would have figured all of this out twenty years ago, but I didn't, and here I am.

I wanted to go to med school when I was 28 and made all of these exuses as to why I was "too old"...boy do I wish I was 28 again (in fact for years that has been my official age). Instead, I pursued several different career paths all leading back to this same point. For your enjoyment (and Bryant's love of lists...), here is a list of all of the different career paths I have tried...wish me luck with this latest one!

1. Majored in Child Development
2. Became a Cheerleading Coach
3. Had two kids and became a mom
4. Became a Gymnastics Teacher
5. Moved on to Dance Teacher
6. Certified in Rhythmic Gymnastics (what?)
7. Began the Kindercats Gymnastics program for pre-schoolers
8. Certified as an EMT-I
9. Certified in Pilates
10. Certified in NASM Personal Training
11. Certified in Active, Isolative Stretching
12. Went back to school and majored in pre-med
13. Worked for Atkins Nutrition (what?)
14. Ran nutrition stores and started a franchise
15. Wrote a diet analysis program and consulted clients
16. Graduated from school in Biology and Physical Education (what?)
17. Consulted for a supplement company
18. Became the Director of Communications
19. Started a brokerage company
20. Went back to school...

Wow, it is even more ridiculous when I write it all down...Now do you see my problem? I think I may need help:)

The Perfect Me?

I feel like I need to explain the title of my blog...When I was ten years old, I got the most awesome Barbie for Christmas. She was perfect! She had a big chest, a tight butt, and a waist the size of my pinkie finger. I decided then and there that I wanted to look just like her when I grew up…which I knew would mean not eating anything larger than a grape and practicing walking in high heels…which I found very hard because of being so dizzy from lack of food….but, anyway…I knew it would be worth it and I set about the task with enthusiasm!

Then at twelve years old, I got another doll, her name was Skipper, and she was much sportier than barbie. Now SHE was perfect ! She was extremely skinny, flat chested, and also had a waist the size of my pinkie finger… I decided that wanted to look just like her…the grape would need to be replaced with a raisin and I would need to ditch the high heels for running shoes…but it would be worth it…I would be a goddess!

When I was eighteen, I looked in the mirror and found that I didn’t look like either Barbie nor Skipper. I had no chest and big muscular thighs, and my waist was definitely not the size of my pinkie finger. .. I was a gymnast and a cheerleader that worked out every day. I ate healthier than 90% of my classmates and I still looked like a cute boy…And then I realized (yes it took me 20 or so years) that maybe my body wasn’t supposed to look that way… after all Barbie and Skipper didn't exercise to achieve those perfect bodies! The only exercise they did was an occasional leg lift as they were being fitted for their many accessories…and I never once saw them eating oatmeal or egg whites…Could it be that no matter how much I dieted and exercised, how hard I tried, or how much I wished for it, I would never look like them? Yep! I finally had figured out that if you aren’t 6 feet tall, made of plastic, and have Mattel stamped on your butt, you’re going to have to just accept it and start to thinking yourself as “THE PERFECT YOU”.

There is no magic pill other than acceptanceand realistic expectations. No, you probably won't look like Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt without a whole lot of plastic surgery, hundreds of thousands of dollars, and a really good camera man following you around. But...is that really so bad? Be thankful for what you have, work to being better, and enjoy the process! I have tried to live my life this way...and after 40 years...I am fairly certain that I have become the most perfect "me" that I could possibly be:)

Welcome!

I'm not sure if anyone will really be reading this blog. If it's like my myspace, I only have 10 friends and I think only one of them really looks at it. I'm a relatively private person, but I love to write and I feel that I have a lot to write about. The names, of course, will be changed to protect the innocent (or won't be, if you aren't innocent) and I will use this forum to talk about what I've learned at this point in my life.
I'm 40 years old and I still feel like I'm 12. I have been married, had kids, been divorced, dated, gone to school, stayed in a relationship for eight years, graduated from school, worked in a corporate environment, went back to school...and even now...I'm still wondering what I want to be when I grow up. But, if there is anything I have learned after 40 years, it is this. Accept your Life, Enjoy your Life, Be Enthusiastic about your Life, or CHANGE IT! Life is too short to be complaining, depressed, bored, or blah...I have made both good decisions and bad (really bad), but I made decisions! I have learned so much by "living" and I hope that I have shown those who have come after me that life doesn't end at 40, 50, or 90 years old...and it certainly doesn't end at 25!
Since I've gone back to school, I have had so many kids ask me for advice about career choices, life choices, and relationships. It's weird that they are asking me the same questions I have asked adults all my life, and I can't possibly understand why they would want my opinion (umm...because they don't know me!) Anyway, here is a very short list of things I have learned about this process of becoming a mature adult...maybe it will help someone somewhere...or maybe it won't, but at least I gave it a valiant effort...

1. If you are not enjoying what you do, change your job, life, relationship, etc...What good are you doing anyone staying in a situation that makes you unhappy. And, stop making your friends have to listen to you complain about it.


2. Love yourself first...everyone else comes second. That isn't because everyone else doesn't matter. It just means that if you don't love yourself, no one else will...


3. Never center your life around another person and never let another person be your life.


4. Love the time of life you are in...because before you know it, everything has changed and you missed out!


5. If you are going to school, take your time, take the classes you are supposed to (don't take the easier substitute just because it's easier), don't stop till your finished, and be what you want to be...not what everyone else tells you that you should be.


6. Go on vacation!!! Play, laugh, and have fun!


7. If you want plastic surgery, a tattoo, or a motorcycle...get it! But get it for the right reasons...for you and only you.


8. Save money in a savings account and don't touch it for at least 10 years.


9. Tell those you care about how much you love them. Tell those who continue to abuse you to get lost.


10. When faced with the choice of whether or not to have kids...from my experience...I would say have them. They are the best thing that ever happened to me.